A story, of how a boy, has been destined to be played by 1 girl.
You see, I was in love, with a girl called Madelyn.
It's been 3years down the road, and all of a sudden, I could barely recognize her, it's like all of a sudden, she had changed, changed into this, twin headed witch, that I could barely recognize. Manipulating me time and again, abusing me time and again, constantly taken for granted. For, thinking that she meant it every time she said she's sorry, or when she said she wanted to make it work.
When all that was the truth, was that she was afraid to be alone, how could I tell? It was simple, when she needed me around, she becomes really sweet, really loving, speaking things, that would only tempt the heart, and when she didn't, she has twenty thousand excuses, to kick me away. How could I not know? Her common phrases were.
"You are suffocating me" - Given
"I need some space" - Given
"I just want to make my mum happy" - Err? (have i not been trying to do that?"
"Is there anything wrong with making people around me happy?" - Nope, nothing wrong at all.
"I feel lonely sometimes" - Ya whatever.
"My friends are scared of you" - That's because of what you tell them about me.
"I feel like you are a responsibility" - Fuck you, YOU are a responsibility
"We need to grow up.." - Nope, YOU need to grow up.
And then here comes the most most ridiculous part! Her expectations.
"I want a xxx Carat diamond ring, for my engagement, wedding, and wedding band"
"I want a balenciaga bag"
"I want you to earn a lot a lot of money for me"
"I want you to buy me a volkswagen beetle"
And there were also things like.
"Can't I have a little expectations?"
"I don't wanna sit in a lorry" - This used to be
"I don't care what you drive, as long as you pick me up =D"
"Why don't want you? You are gonna own 2 bird nest farms"
And then there were.
"What if you fail?"
"What if you don't succeed?"
"What if you don't manage to do it?"
"Are you sure you can do it?"
"You are gonna give up half way"
And her best catch phrase recently added.
"Can't we just be a normal couple? Like everyone else?"
Ah, if you think above mentioned, should be taken like a man, yes i did, i took them like a man, many a times pissed of course. But what do you think a soft hearted man would do, if she comes tugging at your arms, knowing that she's pissed you off?
But, this best catch phrase, I really cannot cannot comprehend.
If we were a normal couple babe, you wouldn't be enjoying what you are enjoying now, while packing your bag for your camp, i realised something, close to 1/2 the clothes, were bought with my money, and as well as, your expensive jewelery, were as well bought with my money, your tray of hairbands, were of course, 3/4 all bought by me. The food that we eat, costing a good, 40-70dollars / meal, were as well, all paid by me, no I get it, you always tell me "I don't have to eat good food, or I don't have to keep spending money" But if you do not realize, all those just conflicted with all your 'expectations'. If we were a normal couple, I would not give shit, about you having the take the public transport every morning to school, because i can't do anything about it. Instead, I'm slogging like a whore every day, doing night shifts time to time, pressing hard on my driving, so I could get a car to send to school at BoonLay, every morning, when my work place is in Bedok.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You expected me to be truthful, but you haven't been any much truthful to yourself either, you lie every single day, every single time, when you said you love me, truth be to told, you don't actually love me, you love the fact that I could mend that empty void, whenever you wanted me to, and that you could shun me away anytime you want to as well, knowing you can damn well, abuse my soft heart to get me back anytime you want again.
I can't believe it took me so long, to go into realization, in the kind of shit hole I have been in all along, thinking that, now that my service to the nation is finished, I could finally make up, for everything, for all the time lost. And all that I've been repaid with, was a heap of hypocritical love, that you've never meant seriously before.
Well at least I know, I can go to sleep at night, knowing I've done nothing wrong, but truly love you, by meaning, every time I say it, and prove it. While time and time again, you just fail to prove what you promised. And time and time again, breaking, and wrecking and shattering those promises into pieces.
I'm done, i'm really done, i've been wrecked by 1 girl, totally wrecked by 1 girl.
Rushing home, to cook soup for her, before her camp, bringing it to her place, helping her pack her bag in the most convenient manner possible, staying up, to help her check her probable taxi route. Reminding her, in a last SMS, that she has a boyfriend at home, working really hard, just for the future of both of us, and hope she doesn't forget it.
And 3 days later, here she goes again.
This time I'm done.
I'm sick and tired of playing your game Madelyn.
You've got a big heart, yes, no doubt, you love helping people, you really love to help people, especially those who are not close to you, especially those who are handicapped, I know, i do too. But i wouldn't say i've got a big heart. But atleast i know however small my heart is, it pounds, and it's burning red with passion, while you, just leave people closest to you, the most upset. What's the use of the big heart when it's black and heartless.
Remember, those who gave you what you have, and are still giving you. You are nothing without them, nothing at all. You can be everything to everyone else out there. But you are nothing, without those who given you everything that they had.
Wake up girl.
5:07 AM