~ Blog Closed.

Sorry for followers!

You guys have been really sweet.

But every good thing comes to and end.

No more Me & Mrs Jones.

It's Me & Me Alone.

This blog has come to an official close. =)

Stay on the tagboard! =D

Who do you take me for?

Fucking Ridiculous.

This is just plain fucking ridiculous.

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Young and full of running,
Tell me where is that taking me,
Just a great figure of 8?
Or a tiny infinite?
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Have you once wished that you spoke nothing at all, that you regretted a click of the mouse, or a press on the keyboard, wishing that you've never did what you did. Yeah I've got this feeling right now, it's hard it's sickening, I shouldn't have done it, I shouldn't have clicked on the name and typed, now I'm just living to regret it. Today, tomorrow and the day after.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Don't say a word,
Just come over and lie here with me,
Cause I'm just about to set fire on everything I see.
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Words spoken, just bounced off the wall, thoughts in the mind, becomes just a whistling breeze from ear to ear, what do I expect her reaction to be? Wake up boy, it's 2010, it's not 2007 anymore, things will never go back to where they were, it was all just wishful thinking. The rug is starting to pile, as I sweep everything 6ft down under. It's almost time for me to start setting them ablaze a day at a time.

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Love is really nothing,
But a dream that keeps waking me,
For all of my trying,
We still end up dying.
How can that be?
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Everything comes to an end, it's how you take it, and how you see it, was it once beautiful? Or was it a horrendous ending.

The beautiful autumn is over, and the bitter cold of winter has just came to take over.

I just want it to be a beautiful winter.

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I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believe,
There, I just said it.
I'm just scared you'll forget about me.
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Hope you are happy.
Today, tomorrow and the day after.
And the years ahead.
I'm just concerned, why can't you see.
Do I deserve such, treatment, after all, all I wanted was to always be there for you.

But truth to be told, I'm starting to realize, I barely love you anymore.

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I was born in the arms of imaginary friends.
Free to roam, made a home, out of everywhere I've been.
Then you came crashing in, like the realest thing.
Trying my best to understand, all that your love can bring.
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Ah, once again, it is night fall. Had probably one of the longest day in my life so far, which started with waking up, at 3am in the morning for a free spin with the lorry, followed by my actual driving lesson, at 8.30am, followed by Swissotel and then Fairmont, and then to Far East, to collect what was meant to be worn for the rest of my life. Till I could afford a Tiffany & Co. Ring. Went on to school, and back all the way to Hougang to meet my insurance agent. And finally back home on the couch at 12am, catching 1 movie, before I got back on my hot seat on my computer desk. Thank goodness, I gave night shift a skip today, by asking the contractor to start work tomorrow.

Even a meeting with my insurance agent, could trigger such powerful and painful memories.

Agent : So, it's been 2 weeks since we last met! (whips out time line book), anything changed so far? You still want to get a car, by end of the year, allow your dad to retire by 20, get your girlfriend a huge diamond ring on her 21st birthday, and get married by 26? Any major changes that we can add into the time line?

Me : Yeah, everything, that has to do with my girlfriend, and yeah, that includes the car, maybe I'll just drive the lorry. We'll take it all out.

Agent : OMG, what happened? It's just been 2 weeks, is there no way out of this one?

Me : Not this time, not anymore.

Agent : Okaye, but I'll take it as you still want to get married at 26?

Me : Yeah, married to my job, most probably, no humans for me for now. =D

Simple conversation, that caused so much turmoil in my stomach, I wonder if I was suddenly hungry, or was I gonna puke, I wasn't exactly too sure myself. But whatever it was, my stomach was feeling all topsy turvy and all kinda thing. Not butterflies, more like bees stinging everywhere.

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Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation.
Half of my heart takes time.
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you.
That I can't keep loving you, oh, with half of my heart.
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Half of my heart, has told me that it is finally over, telling me that all this time of loving, has finally come to a dreadful end. While half of my heart, tells me to keep hanging on, to stay above water on the sinking ship.

Half of my heart, has told me that, the one girl I've sworn to protect, is no longer a responsibility of mine. While half of my heart tells me, that promise, should burn on always, even if I was to be miles away.

Half of my heart, has told me that, it's time to put down everything I've worked for, while half of my heart has told me that, I should keep on building, that holy grail that only belongs to her.

Half of my heart, has told me to look for somebody new, while half of my heart, tells me that, there isn't gonna be anyone new.

Half of my heart, has told me to speak to her, while half of my heart, tells me that I shouldn't make things any harder for her.

Half of my heart, feels so far apart from her, while half of my heart, tells me she's just right next to me every night still.

Well, that's just half of my heart.

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Half of my heart's got a real good imagination,
Half of my heart's got you,
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you,
That half of my heart won't do.
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I hope this separation, will be more good then harm to you. I hope you'll do better without me protecting you. I hope you won't get hurt ever again, I hope by staying away, to you, would be protecting you from getting hurt. Again.

And I do hope, you'd find someone, that can love you the way you want, that can be able to protect you the way you want them to, to give, and to provide you with that you need, to make you feel what real love is like, because I've never been able to show you. And I'll never be given the chance again.

Ironic how it's like that wasabi, that you swore never to eat, but ended up eating it better then I do, like how you'd never stand spiciness, and still drink 3/4 bowl of that volcano ramen soup. I realized, that things change, as time goes by, you want your own life, unprotected. You wanted to run into walls, and feel hurt. But am I wrong? All I wanted to do, was to never see you hurt.

Another segment for the niche amount of guys tuning in to my blog.

She loves pork chops, well done, nicely cooked, but remember to trim off the fats for her, and remember to tell her where the bone of the pork chop is at, she'd never have a proper time eating pork chops without knowing where the bone is. And those pork chops goes best, with potato salad, and corn, and yes the corn has to be on a cob.

Good Night World!
I've seen too much of you today as well.
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Oh half of my heart.
Half of my heart.
Just half of my heart.
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I'll hold onto this ring, till the other half of my heart tells me I should take it off.
Soon, soon it will be. Pretty soon. =)

Yes Marcus LYE, I've read your smses! Sorry I didn't reply them, I was too busy giving you a tribute, on my last post. D=

Marcus NG, sorry to have you tolerate all of my stupid nonsense today, you know I was kidding right? xD

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You get in, and then you get done.
And then you get gone.
You never leave a trace or show your face.
You get gone.
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3.52am, and I just got home, after sneaking the lorry out for a joyride. Actually wanted to take the Camry for a joy ride, but decided on the lorry because it was a manual drive. X=

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Should have turned around,
And left before the sun came up again.
But the sun came up again.
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My best friend Marcus Lye, have sent me 2 messages. Sweetest ones I've seen, in a very very long time! I shall type it here! =D

SMS 1
"Bro, just got back in camp. Wanted to let you know how nice it was to have spent some good quality time with you this morning. It has really been too long. And i also want you to know everything happens for a reason, as cliche as it might sound I believe in that. And I can say I know how you feel right now but maybe not to your extent but I know you know that time alone for yourself to think is what's best at this point. We've done our part to be there for you the past few days but now it's your turn to rethink everything you thought was gonna be your future and not just see the light at the end of the tunnel, but to see a whole new tunnel, a whole new better path"

SMS 2
"And know one more thing, Yiliang. I honestly believe you can achieve so much more than what you've set for yourself. You've no idea the tremendous respect myself and the guys have for you. Also, girls come and go and as much as this one might have had been the one, relationships are never certain. But Josh, Mong, Calvin, Kenneth, myself and gang seriously care for you, that's for certain and know that we're all always here for you. So as you go to bed tonight remember, you might have just fallen outta love but there are so many people around you who still loves you and more importantly that our love will never waiver"

Thank you Marcus Lye! Even though I haven't reply your sms. Because I was asleep, it was 2 sweetest out of the 6 messages that I read when i woke up. D=

And thanks to all of my friends, which include.

Marcus Ng, he accompanied me to havoc for 2 days.
Marcus Lye, accompanied me to havoc for 1 day, and sleep on the 2nd day! xD
Darren, accompanied me to havoc on the 2nd day! Thanks for taking care of me that day! xD
Kenneth, for being that lovely pain in the butt on day 2. xD
Josh, For being that whiny pig on day 2. "Wa! We eating every 2 hours since 12am la!" D=
God sis who cannot be named, accompanying me at the end of day 1!
And everyone else out there, who had helped me through this rough period.

Yep, I guess Marcus Lye, is right about one thing.
It's probably time for me to rethink, about what I thought was my future. Everything has changed. All of a sudden, everything that I've thought would become, has now been swept under the rug, decided to do that instead of burning everything into thoughts of ashes. I'll just leave it under the rug till it decides to disintegrate.

Spent the whole afternoon, thinking about my funding for a car. The more I thought, the more it becomes more and more feasible. Hiak Hiak. A promise to Marcus Ng! Next time when I get my car! It's gonna be my turn to drive you! So you can drink okay! And hurry get rid of that cursed 10dollars you found on the floor. D=

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I was a killer, was the best they'd ever seen.
I'd steal your heart before you ever heard a thing.
I'm an assassin and I had a job to do.
Little did I know, that girl was an assassin too.
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If what I had, and have given you, wasn't good enough, I hope you'd find someone, or have someone in mind, that could give you the type of love that you want, the kind that you are searching for.

And guys out there thinking of filling my shoes, you better love her the way she wants, because if I do find out, that you don't. I'd freaking skin you alive, and make a floor mat out of your skin (you better be furry) and feed you to my dog Jojo.

For the niche amount of guys, that I know is reading this blog.

She likes pasta, plain pasta, with lots of mushrooms (chunky) lots of tomatoes (chunky) lots of onions (nice and soft in half rings) with lots of sauce, sour one of course, she hates it sweet.

Good night world! I've seen too much of you today. D=

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She's an assassin, and she had a job to do.
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Green lemon juice with honey. Works best for sore throats. And lost voices.

I've got so much to say, but how to.

Beautiful Sunday morning, thanks to people who were in charged of taking care of me last night. Marcus Ng, Darren and a crazy bunch of girls, followed by Marcus Lye, Kenneth and Joshua. You guys were really sweet to help me through this rough patch of mine!

I really appreciate it! Waking up to Josh on my left and Kenneth on my right, was a brand new experience. Too bad Marcus Lye left a little earlier, or else it would have had been so much more 'weird fun'

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Now that we're over as the loving kind.
We'll be dreaming of ways to keep the good alive.
Only when what we want is not a compromise.
I'd be pouring tears into your drying eyes.

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12.12pm, and I just reached home, sitting back in my room finally, gonna put some thoughts through my mind now, properly process it, and slowly digest it. I mean this is what i'm supposed to do to while trying to move on right? =) Properly sort through my priorities now that everything have changed.

One of them told me last night "Told you not to get back together, but you still keep doing it. See what happened now?" Ah, I hate it, when someone goes like that "Told you.....xxx" But I guess I deserved that anyway. And I told him my explanation. "I really thought she was the one, I really wanted her to be the one, and I was silly enough, to have thought that she thinks that way too, I've built everything on her, all my long term or short term or whatever goals, have been built on her, designed in her name, everything I had worked for, in my hand, was all hers to have and keep, if you were me, would you not feel lost?" When all of a sudden, your dreams and goals, and motivation, just went paper blank.

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You whisper "come on over" cause you are 2 drinks in.
But in the morning, I'll have to say goodbye again.
Think we'll never fall into the jealous game?
The streets all flood with blood of those who felt the same.

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I'm in the war of my life.
At the door of my life.
Out of time, and there's no where to run.
I'm in the war of my life.
At the core of my life.
Got no choice, but to fight till it's done.

So fight on (I won't give in)
Fight on everyone (I won't run)
Fight on (I won't stop for anyone)
Got no choice, but to fight 'til it's done.

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Thank you Marcus Ng, Marcus Lye, and my god sis.

You guys really helped make everything so much less painful, and made me finally see the light, in a never ending tunnel. Changes that i've made, to fit the mould of 1 person, should never have been done, bending and breaking just to fit what i've become, to try to make someone happy. Wasn't exactly worth it afterall, to get a smile that is fake, to get a kiss with no heart, and a hug with no soul. And words of love, that meant nothing at all.

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I've got a hammer,
And a heart of glass,
I just got to know right now,
Which walls to smash.

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Over the years, i've build this wall, for us 2, around us 2. Working on how to fortify it, and making it a wall of glass, just because you wanted it to be. You wanted to see everything outside, from the inside. I build it up, just for 2. And since it's made of glass, it's gonna seem like, it's gonna be pretty easy to knock it all down. But why, does it feel so damn hard right now. To knock down this walls that i've built.

Guess I need another day.

Tomorrow, Sunday, I will wake, a crusader full of penitence. I will smash this walls, one by one. I will set everything up in flames. So much so, there wouldn't be anything left to hold. Nothing at all. Not for me, not for you. And it will be all over.

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Ritornato a me

Who wanna watch fire works with me on the 31st July?

I've got a reservation at Equinox. D=

3 year's started fighting.

Fighting, for something, so damn hard, so damn painful to hold, yet I held ever so tightly, time and again, it's spikes pierced my hands, through the skin and flesh and bone. I continued to ever hold so tightly, in hope for the day, that I dreamt would come.

3 year's later i'm still fighting.

Fighting, for something, that has left, nothing for me, nothing at all, just words that said "I want to have nothing to do with you." What have I done, but give you everything, that you said you wanted, that you needed. Fighting, for the dream to stay alive, for her to keep 1 promise, that she failed to fulfill, time and time again. Even a promised call, that never came for 5 days.

I admit, I expected things in return, for everything I did, and this is what I've expected of you. Nothing more but your love, that you once had, running in your veins, for the person you've claimed to love. Nothing more, you should know better. It's pointless of me writing.

Tonight, this day, I'm still fighting.

Fighting, for myself, I asked, oh lord, what have I done, to deserve something like that, I've given everything for this 1 girl, everything that she ever wanted, working for everything that she might want and need. Why have you punished me so hard, for a girl who could lie at the fact that she loved me, when all I truly did, was to love her with all my heart. Oh lord, I've done nothing wrong, but what have you done. To me.

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Tomorrow, I will wake, a brand new man.

With nothing else to fight for, all the goals and dreams, just vanquished, just like that. Into thin air. I deserve nothing, I deserved nothing at the end.

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You said I was pathethic.

Yeah, I'm pathethic, because I did everything for you.

Girl, if I haven't protected you for the past 3 years. I wouldn't have had been so pathethic.

I've got a story to tell.

A story, of how a boy, has been destined to be played by 1 girl.

You see, I was in love, with a girl called Madelyn.

It's been 3years down the road, and all of a sudden, I could barely recognize her, it's like all of a sudden, she had changed, changed into this, twin headed witch, that I could barely recognize. Manipulating me time and again, abusing me time and again, constantly taken for granted. For, thinking that she meant it every time she said she's sorry, or when she said she wanted to make it work.

When all that was the truth, was that she was afraid to be alone, how could I tell? It was simple, when she needed me around, she becomes really sweet, really loving, speaking things, that would only tempt the heart, and when she didn't, she has twenty thousand excuses, to kick me away. How could I not know? Her common phrases were.

"You are suffocating me" - Given
"I need some space" - Given
"I just want to make my mum happy" - Err? (have i not been trying to do that?"
"Is there anything wrong with making people around me happy?" - Nope, nothing wrong at all.
"I feel lonely sometimes" - Ya whatever.
"My friends are scared of you" - That's because of what you tell them about me.
"I feel like you are a responsibility" - Fuck you, YOU are a responsibility
"We need to grow up.." - Nope, YOU need to grow up.

And then here comes the most most ridiculous part! Her expectations.

"I want a xxx Carat diamond ring, for my engagement, wedding, and wedding band"
"I want a balenciaga bag"
"I want you to earn a lot a lot of money for me"
"I want you to buy me a volkswagen beetle"

And there were also things like.

"Can't I have a little expectations?"
"I don't wanna sit in a lorry" - This used to be
"I don't care what you drive, as long as you pick me up =D"
"Why don't want you? You are gonna own 2 bird nest farms"

And then there were.

"What if you fail?"
"What if you don't succeed?"
"What if you don't manage to do it?"
"Are you sure you can do it?"
"You are gonna give up half way"

And her best catch phrase recently added.
"Can't we just be a normal couple? Like everyone else?"

Ah, if you think above mentioned, should be taken like a man, yes i did, i took them like a man, many a times pissed of course. But what do you think a soft hearted man would do, if she comes tugging at your arms, knowing that she's pissed you off?

But, this best catch phrase, I really cannot cannot comprehend.

If we were a normal couple babe, you wouldn't be enjoying what you are enjoying now, while packing your bag for your camp, i realised something, close to 1/2 the clothes, were bought with my money, and as well as, your expensive jewelery, were as well bought with my money, your tray of hairbands, were of course, 3/4 all bought by me. The food that we eat, costing a good, 40-70dollars / meal, were as well, all paid by me, no I get it, you always tell me "I don't have to eat good food, or I don't have to keep spending money" But if you do not realize, all those just conflicted with all your 'expectations'. If we were a normal couple, I would not give shit, about you having the take the public transport every morning to school, because i can't do anything about it. Instead, I'm slogging like a whore every day, doing night shifts time to time, pressing hard on my driving, so I could get a car to send to school at BoonLay, every morning, when my work place is in Bedok.

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You expected me to be truthful, but you haven't been any much truthful to yourself either, you lie every single day, every single time, when you said you love me, truth be to told, you don't actually love me, you love the fact that I could mend that empty void, whenever you wanted me to, and that you could shun me away anytime you want to as well, knowing you can damn well, abuse my soft heart to get me back anytime you want again.

I can't believe it took me so long, to go into realization, in the kind of shit hole I have been in all along, thinking that, now that my service to the nation is finished, I could finally make up, for everything, for all the time lost. And all that I've been repaid with, was a heap of hypocritical love, that you've never meant seriously before.

Well at least I know, I can go to sleep at night, knowing I've done nothing wrong, but truly love you, by meaning, every time I say it, and prove it. While time and time again, you just fail to prove what you promised. And time and time again, breaking, and wrecking and shattering those promises into pieces.

I'm done, i'm really done, i've been wrecked by 1 girl, totally wrecked by 1 girl.

Rushing home, to cook soup for her, before her camp, bringing it to her place, helping her pack her bag in the most convenient manner possible, staying up, to help her check her probable taxi route. Reminding her, in a last SMS, that she has a boyfriend at home, working really hard, just for the future of both of us, and hope she doesn't forget it.

And 3 days later, here she goes again.

This time I'm done.

I'm sick and tired of playing your game Madelyn.

You've got a big heart, yes, no doubt, you love helping people, you really love to help people, especially those who are not close to you, especially those who are handicapped, I know, i do too. But i wouldn't say i've got a big heart. But atleast i know however small my heart is, it pounds, and it's burning red with passion, while you, just leave people closest to you, the most upset. What's the use of the big heart when it's black and heartless.

Remember, those who gave you what you have, and are still giving you. You are nothing without them, nothing at all. You can be everything to everyone else out there. But you are nothing, without those who given you everything that they had.

Wake up girl.

pathethic bitch.

YiLiang
19

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